The Path to Transformation

The essence of transformation is not making great choices,

it’s learning how to quit making bad ones.

99% of our anxiety, anguish, and anger are

caused by problems in just three parts of our lives:

relationships,

negative emotions,

and how we make choices.

Transformation is the natural result of having, and using, better life skills. You have better relationships, make better choices, and fewer negative emotions.  

The skills you have

How old do you think you were when you learned the life skills you use now? The answer is “between conception and age three.” 90% of our life skills are developed during that time.

During those vitally important first 1000 days of our life, our brain has periods when it is exquisitely sensitive to the environment in which it is developing. These are the most important days of our lives. What we learn from our environment, in a great part, determines our health, behavior, and our happiness for the rest of our lives.

Just how smart do you think you were during that time? In a way you were brilliant, and in another way, you weren’t. You were learning at a prodigious rate, far faster than at any other time of your life, but your learning skills were limited to watching and copying the behaviors of the people in your tiny environment.

It did not matter how good, bad, or indifferent your environment was, you did not have the ability to evaluate, or change, what you were learning.

What you were learning was how to manage your behavior so you could get affection, get fed, and avoid making people angry.

If you look at your life right now, one or more of the following will apply to every situation since then that caused, causes, or continues to cause, your biggest problems.

I did/do not know the best skill for handling it.

I did/do not know I did not have to react.

I did/do not know the problem is/was not even mine.

I did/do not know how to make a better choice.

If you are really serious about transforming your life, this is the place to learn how.

The first step is this: FORGIVE YOUR SELF! Cut yourself some slack. The skills you have today are the skills you learned as an infant and toddler. Most are good. Some need a little upgrading, and maybe some really suck.

Yes, your parents are mostly responsible. They created the environment in which you learned your skills. But, they learned theirs from their parents, who learned it from theirs, and so on, all the way back to Sophy. You need to forgive them too, because they didn’t have the skills either. Just like you, every choice, even the worst ones, were the ones they believed they needed to make at that time.

Having said that, and it is true, you are the one who needs to update the skills you have. You are the one who is living your life. No one else makes your choices for you.

I can teach you the skills you need to have better relationships, manage your emotions, and make better choices.

Next: Two things must take place, so Transformation can happen.

© 2017 Douglas McKee