99% of our anxiety, anguish, and anger are
caused by just three parts of our lives:
problems with relationships,
problems with emotions, and
problems with how we make choices.
How old do you think you were when you learned those skills? The answer is “between conception and age three.” 90% of our life skills are developed during this time.
During those vitally important first 1000 days of our life, our brain has periods when it is exquisitely sensitive to the environment in which it is developing. These are the most important days of our lives. What we learn from our environment, in a great part, determines our health, behavior, and our happiness for the rest of our lives.
Just how smart do you think you were during that time? That’s exactly right, you weren’t. All you could do is watch and copy the behaviors of the people in that tiny environment. It did not matter how good, bad, or indifferent your environment was, you did not have the ability to evaluate, or change, what you were learning.
What you were learning was how to manage your behavior, so you could get affection, get fed, and avoid making people angry.
If you look at your life right now, one or more of the following will apply to every situation since then that caused, causes, or continues to cause, your biggest problems.
I did/do not know the best skill for handling it.
I did/do not know I did not have to react.
I did/do not know the problem is/was not even mine.
I did/do not know how to make a better choice.
If you are really serious about transforming your life, this is the place to learn how.
The first step is this: FORGIVE YOUR SELF! Cut yourself some slack. The skills you have today are the skills you learned as an infant and toddler. Most are good. Some need a little upgrading, and maybe some really suck.
Yes, your parents are responsible. They created the environment in which you learned your skills. But, they learned theirs from their parents, who learned it from theirs, and so on, all the way back to the first human. You need to forgive them too, because they didn’t have the skills either. Just like you, every choice, even the worst ones, were the ones they believed they needed to make at that time.
Having said that, and it is true, you are the one who needs to update the skills you have. You are the one who is living your life. No one else makes your choices for you.
The Course can teach you the skills you need to have better relationships, think in ways that create fewer negative emotions, and make better choices.
© 2017 Douglas McKee